In any conflict between parents whether
legal, personal or both - children are the losers. Often they
believe that they are the cause of the battle. At the very least,
since at some point they realize that they are a combination of
both parent's attributes, they come to feel internally conflicted
as they try to resolve their parent's external conflicts within
themselves.
Thus no matter who wins - children are the losers.
The matrimonial relationship can be ended but the parental
relationship is for life and it is up to each person to determine
how that relationship plays out in her life.
No matter how angry or bitter one spouse may feel toward the other
it is important that both remember that their battles should not
be inflicted on their children. There is rarely any reason for
both parents not to be intimately involved in raising their
children.
Often lawyers can help by acting as mediators
or if mediation is not possible then the lawyer may be able to
help defuse an embattled situation by facilitating arms-length
communication and focusing on negotiation rather than litigation.
Attempting to resolve family disputes in the
conflict-oriented litigation arena should only occur as a last
resort. This is not to say that lawyers cannot help; or that the
legal system is completely inadequate in these situations.
However, it is necessary for each person to be conscious of the
consequences both to themselves and their children of a long drawn
out court battle and to recognize that the short term gain of
"punishing" their partner will lead to long term pain
for their children and even to himself or herself.
Do not let anyone, your lawyer or your spouse, your family or your
friends convince you that battle is best, that winning is
everything, that the "end justifies the means". It is in
the best interest not only of your children but of yourself that
there be as little blood spilled as possible. Control yourself!
Control your lawyer! Remember -- your lawyer is there to explain
your options to you not to determine your choices. It is your
life. These are your choices.
Make sure your children have access to the love, caring, support,
protection and encouragement of both of their parents. Don't make
your children the victims of your divorce.
